Your child vomits in the night, not once but twice and you
lay in bed praying that she doesn’t vomit again. Secretly that’s not because
you are worried about her health, but rather that you need to go work tomorrow
and she HAS to go to day care. Guilty
The day starts at 6am. No vomit- phew- guilty. Showers, coffee, cook eggs and
avocado for the 3 year old, hang washing on the line, do the dishes, socks on-
they don’t match- oh well you’ll survive- guilty,
lunch made, take chicken out of freezer for dinner, check fridge for veggies
for dinner, keep shovelling egg into the super slow 3 year olds mouth- guilty, shoes on- wait shoe
missing- oh it’s in the fridge, hair brushed, teeth cleaned, wash dishes and
drink cold coffee, nearly done- look in mirror- oh crap my face! I definitely
need make up today and apparently so does the 3 year old- we are never watching
Frozen again- Elsa you are ruining my day-guilty.
Handbag, back pack, water bottle, oh wait we need a book and a baby, now I’m
raising my voice- guilty, move
faster it’s 7.20 I will be late. Out the door. In the car. Drive like a maniac
to day care- must get that indicator fixed- guilty. Run in to day care, kiss child, attempt to leave and
child cries- guilty, a hug. Ok stop
breathe, kiss and hug, hand child to staff and walk out the door- guilty.
Traffic sucks and I sit in grid lock- going to be late for
work- guilty. Swear loudly at the M4
and the stupid drivers-guilty .It’s
ok traffic is moving, arrive at work on time. Enjoy a morning coffee in peace
and it’s hot- guilty. Spend day
at work enjoying a lunch break free from child and wander through the shops- guilty. Buy child some clothes
so I don’t feel guilty. Colleague
asks me to stay back late, apologise that I can’t today- guilty. Ring the gym and cancel my membership. Why? Because I
don’t have time- guilty. Eat some
chocolate because I’ve gained weight and feel crap- guilty. Race out the door at 4.50pm- guilty. Drive like a maniac to day care. Run in the door at
5.53pm- guilty. Child is one
of 2 kids left-guilty. Get child
in car. Arrive home. Cook chicken and vegetables. Child eats. Run a bath. Daughter
says no, say ok and put pj’s straight on- guilty.
Read child 2 books and give extra kisses- guilty.
Sit with daughter and sing songs until she is asleep- guilty. Sleeping girl 7.10pm.
Wash dishes, put load of washing in machine, take load of
washing off line. Clean up toys off floor, make lunch for tomorrow. Lay out
daughters clothes for tomorrow, lay out my clothes for tomorrow. Sit on couch
at 8.30pm and feel guilty
that I haven’t done enough. Drink a wine or two- feel guilty. Oh crap birthday party this weekend- did I RSVP- no
must do that now- guilty. Present,
remind self to buy present. Fold clean washing. Hang out wet washing. Watch crappy
tv show- guilty. Climb in to
bed and think of the things that need to get done tomorrow and next week. Guilty. Get out of bed and check on daughter, give her one last kiss goodnight. Gosh I love that face.
Everyday I am always thinking I haven’t done enough, I haven’t
spent enough time with my daughter, she hasn't eaten enough healthy food, I didn't
bake her a cake this week. I feel guilty
about so many things. That I am just an ordinary mum not doing enough for my
daughter.
Not to mention, that I am not giving enough to my
colleagues, my boss, my partner, my family, and friends, oh my gosh I am sure
my friends think I have dropped off planet earth. When was the last time I picked
up the phone and spoke to them?
So the fact is. I will continue to feel guilty while I allow myself to. THAT STOPS NOW. So I’m going to change my thinking, in the
hope that other mums will too. We are enough and we are doing the best we can with our situations. Our children will love us, they will treasure each moment we spend with them. J
- - I will go to sleep even if I haven’t finished the chores.
- - My child can eat takeaway once a week and the junk won’t kill her.
- - I can drink a hot coffee every day- it’s necessary for sanity!
- - There is nothing wrong with a late RSVP- as long as it gets done.
- - Laugh because it’s way more fun than crying
- - Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about my crazy life
- - Spoil my child on the weekends because she and I both deserve it
- - Who cares if the socks don’t match- at least she’s wearing them.
- - And we will spend money that probably should be saved on a long weekend away.
- - Be proud that I am working hard so that my daughter can see a strong, independent and resilient role model. So that one day she can be….
- super mum, super employee and super woman!!!
