Pressure and Permission

I came across a mum this week at work, she has a 3 year old with cystic fibrosis. She also has a 7 and 9 year old. They are a fantastic family who "appear" to be doing brilliantly. She's a stay at home mum, her hubby has an awesome job, the older kids are active and heavily involved in sport. They fundraise all the time for CF. But this week we talked about how she felt like things were going so great and all of a sudden she feels alone and isolated and she doesn't know how she's been coping for 3 years with CF.

In day to day living we all cope, in different ways, with different pressures and for different periods of time.

When crisis hits, everyone huddles together, people cook meals, they offer cleaning, they do the groceries, pay the bills, people call every day to check in. Support networks can be amazing when life throws a curve ball.

Now curve balls are different for everyone. It may be your hubby losing his job, a parent dying, chicken pox, a diagnosis of a serious illness, marriage breakdown, the flu, a new baby, twins, a broken leg. You get the picture. Whatever the crisis is in your family, it is significant for you.....and that's what is important.

But society today has placed this "pressure" on people. It's like its ok to crumble and fall apart and need everyones support, but only for a period of time. Now that period of time can be different for everyone. But one day you wake up and you say, ok I've had my moment, I'm going to put on a brave face and tackle this crisis and we will cope. Thank you everyone for your support, but we're good now.


BUT WHAT IF.....

what if that brave face only lasts a few days.
what if the crisis never goes away.
what if you decide you can't cope.
what if you become tired of being strong and you want some help.

It's ok, days, weeks even months later to reach out and say. Help, i need you again. But it would seem that society has made it not ok.

People (our support networks) they move on, they forget. Now they definitely don't plan on doing this. They don't intentionally forget you. But they live their lives and they don't have the daily struggles continuing like you might.

It's ok not to be coping. That's what I'm trying to say.

We as a society need to give permission to people, permission to say, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Permission to say please can you look after the kids, permission to cry, to grieve, to have a moment.

I told the mum that it was okay to be upset, what did it mean for her to feel sadness. I also told her that it was okay to ask for some support. And you know what, when she asked her mum and mother in law for help, they more than willingly wanted to help and they felt sad that she hadn't been coping and they didn't know about it.

So next time someone you know has a life crisis, no matter how big or how small. When you think about it, ask them how they are doing today?

Beauty

Beauty

I heard on the radio and then also read an article this afternoon about Angelina Jolie. She over thelast 9 weeks has gone through treatment and had a double mastectomy. This is a massive decision and a massive life changing moment, obviously something she has discussed and thought about.

Now medically her odds of breast cancer have dropped from 87% down to 5%. If that was me, I’d have to say I’d really have to think about performing the mastectomy also. But I can say that, it hasn’t happened to me, I don’t know what it would be like to have a mastectomy, or breast cancer.  A few years ago I found a small lump in my breast and after seeing a doctor and having an ultrasound, it was found to me a small fat nodule. Nothing serious and it has stayed there. But for the period of time between having the scan and getting the results. Thousands of what if’s played in my mind.

Now this article about Anjelina Jolie got me thinking about beauty. For so many women beauty is in their looks, the size of their waist, the size of their breasts, how long their legs are, the number on the scale, for a lot of women (dare I say most) our appearance affects our self esteem, our self worth and how we believe others see us as people.

I am currently 8/11 weeks through a boot camp. Man its been tough, challenging but so rewarding. Why did I do it? Mostly because I wanted some “me” time, when I could solely focus on me and no one else (selfish? Probably but I’ve enjoyed it). But on the other hand I also did it because I believe I wanted to change my appearance, to be slimmer, fitter, healthier, skinnier legs, tone up my tuckshop lady arms. WHY? Because I believe, even if I try and tell myself that it doesn’t matter, I believe that how I look changes how I feel about me as a person.

So we change our bodies, we put on make up, we buy nice clothes. Who for? Ourselves, our girlfriends, our spouses, or society?

In this article today I read that Angelina Jolie also had reconstructive surgery and had breast implants. I imagine (not medically trained so don’t quote me) that reconstructive surgery is probably necessary or beneficial after a mastectomy. So I don’t think she did this out of vain or for her own beauty. But it did make me question…..was she only able to get the mastectomy and then the reconstructive surgery because she had the money. Could someone with limited funds also do this?

Anyway I guess my entire thoughts came down to this….. maybe we should stop trying to be “beautiful” for everyone else, maybe we should firstly love ourselves, respect ourselves, treat our own bodies well and care for them.

Living Below the Line

This week I am participating in Live Below the Line. It is for the Oaktree and what happens is you live off $2 a day for 5 days so $10 for the week.

I am dreaming of coffee.....

So here's some facts:

An estimated 130 million of the world's 15- to 24- year-olds cannot read or write.

About 1.8 million people, most of whom are children, die annually of food-borne diseases

Malaria kills approximately 1 million children per year, many of them under age 5 and most of them in sub-Saharan Africa.

Over 1.4 billion people in the developing world live below the poverty line (U.S.$1.25 per day).

Nearly 15 percent of babies in developing countries are born with a low birth weight compared with only 7 percent of babies in industrialized countries.

Worldwide, 161 million preschool children suffer from chronic malnutrition.

This is massive. There is so much going on outside of our country. But not even that. There is poverty on our front door.

- 11% of Australians live in poverty 2.2 million people

- more than 100,000 people are homeless

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So what am I doing about it. Well I am attempting to raise awareness and raise money to help fight poverty.

 

Disadvantage isn't just about how little money you have to live on, it's also about poverty of opportunity

 

As you can tell I am passionate about awareness and changing the way that people view the world.

 

I am lucky to have variety. I have bread, rice, frozen veggies and eggs. That's what I am living off for the next 5 days. Compared to people who truely do live in poverty that's pretty good.

 

But it has made realise how much we take for granted.

 

My morning coffee, butter on my bread, the ability to snack on fruit or nuts, diet coke, having soy sauce on my rice. Basic simple things that I don't think twice about.

 

If i do nothing else this week.  it would be nice to know, that people have thought about poverty.