Pressure and Permission

I came across a mum this week at work, she has a 3 year old with cystic fibrosis. She also has a 7 and 9 year old. They are a fantastic family who "appear" to be doing brilliantly. She's a stay at home mum, her hubby has an awesome job, the older kids are active and heavily involved in sport. They fundraise all the time for CF. But this week we talked about how she felt like things were going so great and all of a sudden she feels alone and isolated and she doesn't know how she's been coping for 3 years with CF.

In day to day living we all cope, in different ways, with different pressures and for different periods of time.

When crisis hits, everyone huddles together, people cook meals, they offer cleaning, they do the groceries, pay the bills, people call every day to check in. Support networks can be amazing when life throws a curve ball.

Now curve balls are different for everyone. It may be your hubby losing his job, a parent dying, chicken pox, a diagnosis of a serious illness, marriage breakdown, the flu, a new baby, twins, a broken leg. You get the picture. Whatever the crisis is in your family, it is significant for you.....and that's what is important.

But society today has placed this "pressure" on people. It's like its ok to crumble and fall apart and need everyones support, but only for a period of time. Now that period of time can be different for everyone. But one day you wake up and you say, ok I've had my moment, I'm going to put on a brave face and tackle this crisis and we will cope. Thank you everyone for your support, but we're good now.


BUT WHAT IF.....

what if that brave face only lasts a few days.
what if the crisis never goes away.
what if you decide you can't cope.
what if you become tired of being strong and you want some help.

It's ok, days, weeks even months later to reach out and say. Help, i need you again. But it would seem that society has made it not ok.

People (our support networks) they move on, they forget. Now they definitely don't plan on doing this. They don't intentionally forget you. But they live their lives and they don't have the daily struggles continuing like you might.

It's ok not to be coping. That's what I'm trying to say.

We as a society need to give permission to people, permission to say, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Permission to say please can you look after the kids, permission to cry, to grieve, to have a moment.

I told the mum that it was okay to be upset, what did it mean for her to feel sadness. I also told her that it was okay to ask for some support. And you know what, when she asked her mum and mother in law for help, they more than willingly wanted to help and they felt sad that she hadn't been coping and they didn't know about it.

So next time someone you know has a life crisis, no matter how big or how small. When you think about it, ask them how they are doing today?