A day in the life of a guilty working mother

Your child vomits in the night, not once but twice and you lay in bed praying that she doesn’t vomit again. Secretly that’s not because you are worried about her health, but rather that you need to go work tomorrow and she HAS to go to day care. Guilty

The day starts at 6am. No vomit- phew- guilty. Showers, coffee, cook eggs and avocado for the 3 year old, hang washing on the line, do the dishes, socks on- they don’t match- oh well you’ll survive- guilty, lunch made, take chicken out of freezer for dinner, check fridge for veggies for dinner, keep shovelling egg into the super slow 3 year olds mouth- guilty, shoes on- wait shoe missing- oh it’s in the fridge, hair brushed, teeth cleaned, wash dishes and drink cold coffee, nearly done- look in mirror- oh crap my face! I definitely need make up today and apparently so does the 3 year old- we are never watching Frozen again- Elsa you are ruining my day-guilty. Handbag, back pack, water bottle, oh wait we need a book and a baby, now I’m raising my voice- guilty, move faster it’s 7.20 I will be late. Out the door. In the car. Drive like a maniac to day care- must get that indicator fixed- guilty. Run in to day care, kiss child, attempt to leave and child cries- guilty, a hug. Ok stop breathe, kiss and hug, hand child to staff and walk out the door- guilty.

Traffic sucks and I sit in grid lock- going to be late for work- guilty. Swear loudly at the M4 and the stupid drivers-guilty .It’s ok traffic is moving, arrive at work on time. Enjoy a morning coffee in peace and it’s hot- guilty. Spend day at work enjoying a lunch break free from child and wander through the shops- guilty. Buy child some clothes so I don’t feel guilty. Colleague asks me to stay back late, apologise that I can’t today- guilty. Ring the gym and cancel my membership. Why? Because I don’t have time- guilty. Eat some chocolate because I’ve gained weight and feel crap- guilty. Race out the door at 4.50pm- guilty. Drive like a maniac to day care. Run in the door at 5.53pm- guilty. Child is one of 2 kids left-guilty. Get child in car. Arrive home. Cook chicken and vegetables. Child eats. Run a bath. Daughter says no, say ok and put pj’s straight on- guilty. Read child 2 books and give extra kisses- guilty. Sit with daughter and sing songs until she is asleep- guilty. Sleeping girl 7.10pm.

Wash dishes, put load of washing in machine, take load of washing off line. Clean up toys off floor, make lunch for tomorrow. Lay out daughters clothes for tomorrow, lay out my clothes for tomorrow. Sit on couch at 8.30pm and feel guilty that I haven’t done enough. Drink a wine or two- feel guilty. Oh crap birthday party this weekend- did I RSVP- no must do that now- guilty. Present, remind self to buy present. Fold clean washing. Hang out wet washing. Watch crappy tv show- guilty. Climb in to bed and think of the things that need to get done tomorrow and next week. Guilty.  Get out of bed and check on daughter, give her one last kiss goodnight. Gosh I love that face. 

Everyday I am always thinking I haven’t done enough, I haven’t spent enough time with my daughter, she hasn't eaten enough healthy food, I didn't bake her a cake this week. I feel guilty about so many things. That I am just an ordinary mum not doing enough for my daughter.

Not to mention, that I am not giving enough to my colleagues, my boss, my partner, my family, and friends, oh my gosh I am sure my friends think I have dropped off planet earth. When was the last time I picked up the phone and spoke to them?

So the fact is. I will continue to feel guilty while I allow myself to. THAT STOPS NOW. So I’m going to change my thinking, in the hope that other mums will too. We are enough and we are doing the best we can with our situations. Our children will love us, they will treasure each moment we spend with them. J

• -          I will go to sleep even if I haven’t finished the chores.
• -          My child can eat takeaway once a week and the junk won’t kill her.  
• -          I can drink a hot coffee every day- it’s necessary for sanity!
• -          There is nothing wrong with a late RSVP- as long as it gets done.
• -          Laugh because it’s way more fun than crying
• -          Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about my crazy life
• -          Spoil my child on the weekends because she and I both deserve it
• -          Who cares if the socks don’t match- at least she’s wearing them.
• -          And we will spend money that probably should be saved on a long weekend away.
• -          Be proud that I am working hard so that my daughter can see a strong, independent and resilient role model. So that one day she can be….
• super mum, super employee and super woman!!! 

Say What?

PC (pre-children). This is an existence that you soon forget once you have children. The life of late night partying, sundays in bed, mid week dinner outings, clean house, silent tv watching, days without hearing "Hola my name is Dora"....the list goes on.

PC we all have expectations that we are going to be "brilliant" parents and we will always do and say the right things and I think at times PC we believed that parenting was "easy" and all those parents who complained, must clearly have issues.

WELL weren't we mistaken.

As Miss A has changed very quickly in the last 6 months, she has developed a fabulous personality and a charming attitude to go with it. But recently the thing I have loved the most is the crazy things she does and the hilarious things she asks for, and in return the bizarre things that come out of my mouth.

"Take that out of your vagina". these words came out of my mouth today and even as I spoke them I laughed so hard. REALLY, did I ever expect PC that I would be telling my nearly 3 year old to remove something from her vagina?



So it got me thinking, what are some things that I never expected that I would say or do PC, so I came up with a list:

• "Don't touch your poo" 
• "Please don't bite my bottom"
• "No I will not be cooking playdoh for dinner" 
• "why are you eating a 5c coin?"
• "of course you can have an iceblock at 730am"
• "yes we can listen to the tiger song(Katy Perry Roar) 
• "No you cannot see Grandpas penis" 
• "No I don't need you to wipe my bottom"
• "Get off the floor and stop acting like a child"
• "I'm not eating dinner with you until you put your undies on"
• "Stop licking my leg"
• "yes i know my bottom is bouncy"
• "No you cannot drink my wine" 
• "Don't push that baby...Don't pinch that baby.....Don't smother that baby.....SERIOUSLY just get out of that baby's space"

"Get your head out of my vagina"- seriously i never thought I would say the word vagina more that I do lately. Surely even an OB/Gyn doesn't say vagina as many times in a day as me. This quote came from when Miss A thought it would be interesting to put her head up my dress and her face WAY too close to my vagina- while I was on the phone to a friend.

All of these things I say, and many more. Provide endless entertainment to those PC friends. To those friends with kids- the entertainment is greater, because deep down they know, something more bizarre probably came out of their mouth at some point that day!!!


So, what are some things that you say on a daily basis, that you never expected to hear yourself saying?

It is NEVER ok

Today is White Ribbon Day and it is a day to acknowledge violence against women and speak out and say NO it is never ok.

Personally I think it should be everyday. We live in a time where people should not feel afraid to help others and should be aware and acknowledge that violence does exist, and it shouldn't.

Studies have shown that over 57% of women have at some point in their lives experienced physical or sexual violence from a man.
More than half of women in Australia, that is a huge number. Yet violence is something that is shushed and avoided mostly.
Why?

It is our role in society to speak up and to help those who feel they are stuck and can't help themselves. Support women, young girls and even the elderly escape a lifetime of emotionally impacting violence.



Violence has long lasting and extremely damaging impacts. Violence leaves deep physical and psychological scars.

So today I make my oath. I will NEVER stand by and watch a friend, family member or anyone suffer from any form of violence. I WILL speak up and do my best to help anyone who needs it.

Crazy Baking Hours

Baking at midnight.....yes ok I know that's a little odd....but isn't that the title, craziness.

I have a glass (ok bottle) of gorgeous (and cheap) red wine in hand. I've really enjoyed it.

After being in my tiny awful, cockroach infested apartment for 14months I signed a new lease. For another 12 months, I know I'm crazy, but seriously I feel insane. So today I spring cleaned. I have thrown out all the clothes I haven't worn in 12 months. I have packed away all my winter clothes....BRING ON SUMMER!!

Anyway back to the point......tonight I did some spring cleaning, my bedroom looks incredible. And then I sat down to drink some well deserved wine after a tough 2 weeks. But I couldn't sit still.

So.....at 10.45 at night I decided to bake. Banana bread-with choc chips. :) Happy days.

So now it is 11.58pm and I am waiting for the second batch to come out of the oven.

The best part of baking at midnight.......beautiful fresh yummy choc chip banana bread at 6am when Miss A wakes up :)

you too can have amazing banana bread!!!!
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/12918/chocolate+chip+banana+bread

Fear of the????

Recently I have had conversations with a variety of people about fear. Although many of the people I spoke with didn't use the word fear, they used words like "worry, not sure about, don't like it, not interested in that"
Some of the things that people have been fearing have been genuinely scary, someone I know her boyfriend had an unknown mass on his brain, another was going for a job interview, one friend had a new baby, another friend was travelling 14 hours on a plane with a 5 year old and a 6 week old.

Now each of those things are different and what makes one person feel afraid, may not affect the other.

So What makes us feel fear?

the definition of fear is:
"An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat"

On a daily basis we do things that are dangerous but we learn to control our fear, because we live these experiences daily and from living we learn that danger does not always result in a negative outcome. 

This weekend I completed a Raw Challenge, 6km with 30 obstacles. Once upon a time I would have laughed if you asked me to even attempt it. But I overcame my fear and my doubts and I completed the entire challenge. I did all 30 obstacles. I climbed 4m walls, I climbed over rope towers, I walked through chest high mud pits on multiple occasions. But the once obstacle that really got me was the 3m length of monkey bars over a huge pit of muddy water. I have always feared and known that I cannot swing on monkey bars. 

Yesterday was different, I stood there and I looked at the bars and watched others attempt to cross. I said to myself you have been training at the gym for 4 months now. You are fit and you can do this. So off I went one bar at a time, swinging and gripping on for dear life. I made it half way and slipped and dropped into the water. But you know what, I am PROUD that I conquered half the bars when once I never would have attempted. 

what ever it is that you might be afraid of every day. Don't be. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from reaching your full potential or being the best that you can be. There is no such thing as failure if you try. 

START DREAMING AGAIN!!!! 

R U OK?

Today is a day where we need to be brave and start a conversation. A friend, family member or someone at work. Ask them, R U Ok? It could change their life, or even save their life.

This week is also focusing on suicide awareness. In my life I have been affected by suicide both a family member and a close friends brother. The impact that suicide has on a family is long lasting and devastating. I also personally have spent many years battling with mental health issues.

So it is safe to say that a day like today really touches my heart personally.

1 in 7 people in Australia will suffer from depression. That statistic is huge and cannot be ignored.
For so long depression, anxiety and suicide have been taboo subjects.

THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE.

Almost half (45%) of Australians will experience mental illness in their lifetime.

Mental illness does not discriminate. Men, women, adolescents, the elderly, mothers of young children. everyone can be affected.

If you are feeling low and haven't been able to shake that mood for some time, please seek help. Speak to your partner, friend, GP or family member.

It might be the best conversation of your life and it might change your life in a big way.


If you are feeling suicidal contact Lifeline’s 24 hour crisis support service
on 13 11 14 or seek immediate help from a GP, psychiatrist or a psychologist.

Deserve to be loved

At this moment in time I am comfortable and happy being single. I feel I have a long walk ahead and before I can invite someone into a relationship, I need to have a loving and trusting relationship with my own head and my own heart.

Throughout my experiences I have learnt to look at myself in a different way. To realise that I am who I am, imperfections and all and if someone loves me they will accept these things. But I also learnt that I am not perfect and therefore I can't expect any future relationships to work until I look inside myself and work on those imperfections that might get in the way of a good relationship. These are some of the things that I have learnt:

1. People love you because they want to love you

We are all human, we choose to be friends with people because we can. No one forces me to love my friends, if for some reason I changed my mind, then I could walk away. But I don't because I love them, every part of them. I had to relise this about myself too, my friends, my family, love me because they want to. You can't force someone to love you. After 7 years with my ex, I have learnt that no matter how much you love someone and how much you force them to love you back, in the end its their choice, they decide who they love. But one day someone will walk into my life and won't have to be reminded to phone me back or to take me on special dates. One day someone will want to love me and will want to do everything in their power to be in my life.

2. Honesty 

To tell the truth is vital and necessary in any relationship. But one thing I have learnt is that lying is so easy, for anyone. For any relationship to be strong and to survive honesty is vital. If the person you love can't respect you enough to be 100% truthful and honest with you then I believe the question needs to be asked, do they really love you? 

3. Doubting means trouble 

Reality is you shouldn't have doubts. If you love your partner and they love you, there should be no doubts. This again comes back to trust and honesty. When people are in a healthy relationship they are joyful (most of the time), they aren't fearful. If you feel constantly down in your relationship, it is not a good sign. Talk about it. Fix the issues before they get worse. 

4. Don't let the past block your future

We all have a past. He does, she does, you do and I do. But the thing is, that is not the current. Learn from the past relationships and grow from them. Don't repeat them. But most of all, don't believe that every man you ever form a relationship with will always be the same as your ex. We all get hurt, its part of life. Don't take your past hurts out on your current relationship. Turn your past hurts into wisdom and future love. 

One day I will use these things and form a solid relationship. But for now I need to heal the hurts and find some wisdom.