So apparently this blogging concept has been happening around me, and I had zero idea. The idea really appeals to me. Therapy in words. If no one else reads my blogs that’s ok with me, but I think I will enjoy sharing my craziness. I’m not going to spend my blog talking about being a single parent, or my little girl. I will just share what’s going on in my crazy world.
I am a mum to a strong-willed and energetic 2 year old, Miss A, I work part time as a social worker and then I live the craziness of life. This style of parenting is fairly new to me, Miss A and I have been doing it on our own for nearly 8 months now (that’s a whole different story).
Single mum, this title doesn’t sit well with me. As an independent and very stubborn woman, I don’t like to think that people hear that “single mum” title and automatically doubt or question my abilities. And on the other hand, yes I am now separated from my husband and we are no longer married so therefore I am a single woman, but I don’t parent on my own. I have a fabulous family who help whenever they can, friends who go above and beyond to help me. So no I’m not a single mum, I’m a mum parenting on her own but with a huge support crew. You will hear me regularly mention my friends and family, because they are my strength. I couldn’t do it without them.
I’m no expert in single parenting, there are mums and dads out there who do it harder than me every day. I also am not one to say parenting on your own is harder than parenting as a couple. Because every family is different, we all have challenges. My ex who I will refer to as Mr Green is in the army and I was an army wife and army mum for nearly 7 years.
Parenting isn’t about a competition. I don’t want to get into the my life is worse than your life argument, because it’s probably not true.
Single parenting isn’t always about being poor and frustrated and exhausted and miserable and lonely. (Although it has its moments)
But single parenting is very different from the experience of family life. Unless you’re in it, sometimes it’s just too hard to understand.
Yes, your husband or wife might work away, they might not be a proactive parent and involved in the day to day running of your home and care of your children. But single parenting comes with some stereotypes, there’s the assumption that my child lacks discipline, or I bludged off the government, or that I might steal someone’s husband. But mostly, I think, single parenting is just scary.
It’s knowing that there is only one income coming into our house. That I am the only one keeping a roof over my child’s head and food in her tummy. That there is no one else to hold responsible if I make the wrong choice and let her dye her hair orange. It’s knowing your child will never know what it’s like to run into the other room and beg daddy for a treat because mummy said no. it’s knowing that if you get carted off in an ambulance, there will be an unimaginable mess around who looks after your child. It’s knowing that even if you are exhausted or emotional or at the end of your rope in one way or another, you’re still the only parent in the house, so you need to suck it up and keep going.
Of course Miss A has two parents and a wider family that adore her and would do anything for her. We laugh, we cry and we definitely live a crazy life. I think we are happy and I think she’s doing okay. But at the end of the day, when we get home from work and day care after a long day, it’s me and her, just the two of us, and she’s stuck with me.
And that is what’s scary.
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