Say What?

PC (pre-children). This is an existence that you soon forget once you have children. The life of late night partying, sundays in bed, mid week dinner outings, clean house, silent tv watching, days without hearing "Hola my name is Dora"....the list goes on.

PC we all have expectations that we are going to be "brilliant" parents and we will always do and say the right things and I think at times PC we believed that parenting was "easy" and all those parents who complained, must clearly have issues.

WELL weren't we mistaken.

As Miss A has changed very quickly in the last 6 months, she has developed a fabulous personality and a charming attitude to go with it. But recently the thing I have loved the most is the crazy things she does and the hilarious things she asks for, and in return the bizarre things that come out of my mouth.

"Take that out of your vagina". these words came out of my mouth today and even as I spoke them I laughed so hard. REALLY, did I ever expect PC that I would be telling my nearly 3 year old to remove something from her vagina?



So it got me thinking, what are some things that I never expected that I would say or do PC, so I came up with a list:

• "Don't touch your poo" 
• "Please don't bite my bottom"
• "No I will not be cooking playdoh for dinner" 
• "why are you eating a 5c coin?"
• "of course you can have an iceblock at 730am"
• "yes we can listen to the tiger song(Katy Perry Roar) 
• "No you cannot see Grandpas penis" 
• "No I don't need you to wipe my bottom"
• "Get off the floor and stop acting like a child"
• "I'm not eating dinner with you until you put your undies on"
• "Stop licking my leg"
• "yes i know my bottom is bouncy"
• "No you cannot drink my wine" 
• "Don't push that baby...Don't pinch that baby.....Don't smother that baby.....SERIOUSLY just get out of that baby's space"

"Get your head out of my vagina"- seriously i never thought I would say the word vagina more that I do lately. Surely even an OB/Gyn doesn't say vagina as many times in a day as me. This quote came from when Miss A thought it would be interesting to put her head up my dress and her face WAY too close to my vagina- while I was on the phone to a friend.

All of these things I say, and many more. Provide endless entertainment to those PC friends. To those friends with kids- the entertainment is greater, because deep down they know, something more bizarre probably came out of their mouth at some point that day!!!


So, what are some things that you say on a daily basis, that you never expected to hear yourself saying?

It is NEVER ok

Today is White Ribbon Day and it is a day to acknowledge violence against women and speak out and say NO it is never ok.

Personally I think it should be everyday. We live in a time where people should not feel afraid to help others and should be aware and acknowledge that violence does exist, and it shouldn't.

Studies have shown that over 57% of women have at some point in their lives experienced physical or sexual violence from a man.
More than half of women in Australia, that is a huge number. Yet violence is something that is shushed and avoided mostly.
Why?

It is our role in society to speak up and to help those who feel they are stuck and can't help themselves. Support women, young girls and even the elderly escape a lifetime of emotionally impacting violence.



Violence has long lasting and extremely damaging impacts. Violence leaves deep physical and psychological scars.

So today I make my oath. I will NEVER stand by and watch a friend, family member or anyone suffer from any form of violence. I WILL speak up and do my best to help anyone who needs it.

Crazy Baking Hours

Baking at midnight.....yes ok I know that's a little odd....but isn't that the title, craziness.

I have a glass (ok bottle) of gorgeous (and cheap) red wine in hand. I've really enjoyed it.

After being in my tiny awful, cockroach infested apartment for 14months I signed a new lease. For another 12 months, I know I'm crazy, but seriously I feel insane. So today I spring cleaned. I have thrown out all the clothes I haven't worn in 12 months. I have packed away all my winter clothes....BRING ON SUMMER!!

Anyway back to the point......tonight I did some spring cleaning, my bedroom looks incredible. And then I sat down to drink some well deserved wine after a tough 2 weeks. But I couldn't sit still.

So.....at 10.45 at night I decided to bake. Banana bread-with choc chips. :) Happy days.

So now it is 11.58pm and I am waiting for the second batch to come out of the oven.

The best part of baking at midnight.......beautiful fresh yummy choc chip banana bread at 6am when Miss A wakes up :)

you too can have amazing banana bread!!!!
http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/12918/chocolate+chip+banana+bread

Fear of the????

Recently I have had conversations with a variety of people about fear. Although many of the people I spoke with didn't use the word fear, they used words like "worry, not sure about, don't like it, not interested in that"
Some of the things that people have been fearing have been genuinely scary, someone I know her boyfriend had an unknown mass on his brain, another was going for a job interview, one friend had a new baby, another friend was travelling 14 hours on a plane with a 5 year old and a 6 week old.

Now each of those things are different and what makes one person feel afraid, may not affect the other.

So What makes us feel fear?

the definition of fear is:
"An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat"

On a daily basis we do things that are dangerous but we learn to control our fear, because we live these experiences daily and from living we learn that danger does not always result in a negative outcome. 

This weekend I completed a Raw Challenge, 6km with 30 obstacles. Once upon a time I would have laughed if you asked me to even attempt it. But I overcame my fear and my doubts and I completed the entire challenge. I did all 30 obstacles. I climbed 4m walls, I climbed over rope towers, I walked through chest high mud pits on multiple occasions. But the once obstacle that really got me was the 3m length of monkey bars over a huge pit of muddy water. I have always feared and known that I cannot swing on monkey bars. 

Yesterday was different, I stood there and I looked at the bars and watched others attempt to cross. I said to myself you have been training at the gym for 4 months now. You are fit and you can do this. So off I went one bar at a time, swinging and gripping on for dear life. I made it half way and slipped and dropped into the water. But you know what, I am PROUD that I conquered half the bars when once I never would have attempted. 

what ever it is that you might be afraid of every day. Don't be. Don't let the fear of the unknown stop you from reaching your full potential or being the best that you can be. There is no such thing as failure if you try. 

START DREAMING AGAIN!!!! 

R U OK?

Today is a day where we need to be brave and start a conversation. A friend, family member or someone at work. Ask them, R U Ok? It could change their life, or even save their life.

This week is also focusing on suicide awareness. In my life I have been affected by suicide both a family member and a close friends brother. The impact that suicide has on a family is long lasting and devastating. I also personally have spent many years battling with mental health issues.

So it is safe to say that a day like today really touches my heart personally.

1 in 7 people in Australia will suffer from depression. That statistic is huge and cannot be ignored.
For so long depression, anxiety and suicide have been taboo subjects.

THIS NEEDS TO CHANGE.

Almost half (45%) of Australians will experience mental illness in their lifetime.

Mental illness does not discriminate. Men, women, adolescents, the elderly, mothers of young children. everyone can be affected.

If you are feeling low and haven't been able to shake that mood for some time, please seek help. Speak to your partner, friend, GP or family member.

It might be the best conversation of your life and it might change your life in a big way.


If you are feeling suicidal contact Lifeline’s 24 hour crisis support service
on 13 11 14 or seek immediate help from a GP, psychiatrist or a psychologist.

Deserve to be loved

At this moment in time I am comfortable and happy being single. I feel I have a long walk ahead and before I can invite someone into a relationship, I need to have a loving and trusting relationship with my own head and my own heart.

Throughout my experiences I have learnt to look at myself in a different way. To realise that I am who I am, imperfections and all and if someone loves me they will accept these things. But I also learnt that I am not perfect and therefore I can't expect any future relationships to work until I look inside myself and work on those imperfections that might get in the way of a good relationship. These are some of the things that I have learnt:

1. People love you because they want to love you

We are all human, we choose to be friends with people because we can. No one forces me to love my friends, if for some reason I changed my mind, then I could walk away. But I don't because I love them, every part of them. I had to relise this about myself too, my friends, my family, love me because they want to. You can't force someone to love you. After 7 years with my ex, I have learnt that no matter how much you love someone and how much you force them to love you back, in the end its their choice, they decide who they love. But one day someone will walk into my life and won't have to be reminded to phone me back or to take me on special dates. One day someone will want to love me and will want to do everything in their power to be in my life.

2. Honesty 

To tell the truth is vital and necessary in any relationship. But one thing I have learnt is that lying is so easy, for anyone. For any relationship to be strong and to survive honesty is vital. If the person you love can't respect you enough to be 100% truthful and honest with you then I believe the question needs to be asked, do they really love you? 

3. Doubting means trouble 

Reality is you shouldn't have doubts. If you love your partner and they love you, there should be no doubts. This again comes back to trust and honesty. When people are in a healthy relationship they are joyful (most of the time), they aren't fearful. If you feel constantly down in your relationship, it is not a good sign. Talk about it. Fix the issues before they get worse. 

4. Don't let the past block your future

We all have a past. He does, she does, you do and I do. But the thing is, that is not the current. Learn from the past relationships and grow from them. Don't repeat them. But most of all, don't believe that every man you ever form a relationship with will always be the same as your ex. We all get hurt, its part of life. Don't take your past hurts out on your current relationship. Turn your past hurts into wisdom and future love. 

One day I will use these things and form a solid relationship. But for now I need to heal the hurts and find some wisdom. 

Will one ever be enough???

This blog is probably 100% politically, morally, ethically, everything, incorrect. But I am putting it out there anyway.

Today I stopped and I thought I really feel sad for those who don't have children.

Whether you have 1 child, 2, 3, 5, 8. It doesn't matter, because you know what. Being a mother to any number of children. Is spectacular. Motherhood, parenthood, is the most amazing, most humorous, most frustrating, most unknown adventure you will ever have. I am realist and I know that it's not always spectacular and sometimes being a mum is the hardest, most stressful and heaviest burden that any one can carry.

If you spent years trying to conceive, if you conceived through IVF, you adopted or fostered or if it took one night when the condom accidentally broke, or if you planned for months in advance. It doesn't matter. Because you now have the most amazing gift. A child. A gift that will repay you with unconditional love for the rest of your life.

Yes I acknowledge that sometimes this adventure is nothing like you expected. There will be tears, spilt milk, moments of "I don't like it", or "I hate you" or "I want my daddy" there will be crayon on the walls, poo smeared all over the bedroom, vomit all over your car, nights of late night phone calls because of too much alcohol, boyfriends or girlfriends. Dodgy school reports, suspensions, expulsions, drugs and possibly jail.  Life with a child or many children will bring challenges. But I can guarantee you 150% that life with a child will ALWAYS bring you love.

I don't care if you bottle or breast feed. If you used cloth or disposable. If you use controlled crying or self soothing or if you rock that child to sleep until they are 10. What I think is important, is that you have love and that you believe you are doing the best job that you can for this moment.

I had a brilliant water birth, over and done with in 6 hours. Easy. Now I know birth isn't like that for everyone but it was for me. Pregnancy on the other hand was a living nightmare, of vomiting, heartburn, fatness and general discomfort and add in some Townsville summer heat. But Birth I loved. 1 hour after Miss 2.5 was born I looked at my midwife and I said I'd do that again and she laughed.

Miss 2.5 was an angel baby. From day 1 she only fed once during the night and from 6 weeks she slept 12 hours straight. She was so easy, I thought I was going to breeze through it. Until 7.5 months. When TEETHING hit. Suddenly my wonderful sleeper turned into a nightmare. She wouldn't go to sleep without being rocked (which continued until almost 2). She might have had 40mins during the day (day naps stopped by 2). Then she was walking at 9 months and life turned crazy. She just never stopped. She would chase the dog around, pull her ears, pull her tongue. She would climb over tables, pull drawers off their hinges. And I tell you at 2.5 she still hasn't stopped. She has 3 days at day care while I work and on Wednesdays when I pick her the room leader says to me " I don't know how you do it, she never stops". But if someone asks me what sort of baby she was, the first thing I say was. Oh she was an easy baby. Why??? Because I've chosen to relive the good stuff and attempt to block those crazy nights out of my living memory.

After my husband left Miss A and I just over 12 months ago. I felt disheartened, distraught, angry and devastated. Ever since I was a young girl, all through my teens and right into my 20's. I was sure that I was going to have a big family. With lots of kids. I wanted 6 but realistically I knew that was probably a little extreme. So I had decided 4 was good for us. Then when he left us, it hit me. I may never have another child ever again. I am 27 and my good baby making days are still ahead of me and that opportunity has been ripped out from under me. I have spent months and months crying and complaining over this. Why is he allowed to ruin my dream of motherhood? Why with his selfish decisions should I give up my life of a big family with lots of "amazing births" and crazy child rearing years. Why should he get to decide that?

Most of my friends who were pregnant when I was with Miss A or who I met through playgroups etc have gone on to have second children. And many of my friends are now falling pregnant with their first babies. I will be the first to admit that every time I hear someone else say they are pregnant, or every time I see or hold a new baby. My heart aches. I get a twinge of jealousy. A twinge of bitterness towards that person. I hate myself for saying that. Its totally selfish. But then my mamma bear clucky hen nature takes over and I shower my friends in gifts beyond gifts, hand me downs, and smother their baby in love and cuddles.

Recently I stopped and I looked at Miss A who is now 2.5 and is incredible. (I am biased I know that). When anyone compliments her on her manners or mentions how cute she is, I feel so proud. So unbelievably proud that she is my baby. She makes me laugh and she makes me cry and she can be so frustrating and make me so angry sometimes. But I constantly stop myself and look at her and realise that she is the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. She makes my heart ache with love. She makes me want to share her with the whole world. Brag about everything she ever does. She is my life and honestly, I stopped and I thought.....

If I never have another child again, I don't want her to feel like she was never enough for me. And she's not. I realised that. She makes my life complete. And no matter how cheesy or how silly that sounds. It's true. Without her my life would not be the same.

So if I never have another child again, I won't be sad and I won't be angry. Because I will pour my love into one child and I have been blessed with her and that's enough me.

Don't wish away your life for what you thought you might have. Love what's in front of you. xxx

Fad diet No. 2345

Yep you guessed it. I am a fad dieter. If it exists I have probably attempted it. Most likely I have only lasted a week max. but i generally give anything a go. Call me crazy but if someone says it worked for them. I'm in. Follower number 27,000.



So now you ask, what have I tried? Well here's some of the crazy things I've tried
- atkins- low carb high protein
- NO SUGAR- I completely cut sugar from my life. I was so good at it too. When i commit to something I committ hard core. (obsessive I think). I lost 8kg and definitely felt better. I have kept some of this in my life but I have returned to chocolate lately.
- 1 week diet- eggs, grapefruit, lettuce, tomato, celery, some toast, chicken. This actually was pretty good and I lost some weight. But it's hard to stick to. Very boring.
- shake diet- this was just gross. seriously shakes with water- I love chewing food far too much to enjoy this
- grapefruit diet....I literally ate like 4 grapefruit a day and eggs. It was crazy and boring and I was starving. Pretty sure this one only lasted 2 days.




- weight watchers- I did this for about 2 months. Lost maybe a 1kg or 2. But seriously counting foods by points. Just never worked for me.
- Dukan Diet- this was actually my favorite. But i seriously took this to the extreme. I only ate protein for like 8 weeks. This involved eggs, baked beans, tuna and fish or chicken for dinner. Literally nothing else. I did lose 10kg and have kept it off. But man it was hard work and socialising was limited around food.



This is so me. Each week I say to myself. Ok this week I am going to eat better and be healthier. HAHAHHA what a joke. I have now joined a gym and I am going 4 times a week. But you know what that means. I can eat more and not gain weight. Seriously it's a never ending story with me.

This weeks fad. Green tea. Apparently. It helps with digestion and metabolism. Well it tastes like rubbish I think. BRING BACK MY COFFEE.



This fad dieting thing, really got me thinking. Why do we believe what we hear? Why do we test out things just because someone suggests it? Is it ok for us to do this? Or should we all be living our own lives and making up our own stories??



Maybe my new fad, should just be enjoying who I am. Being happy with what I have. Curves, bumps, stretch marks. All of it. Enjoying the fact that I can enjoy my first coffee of the day, a glass of wine at night and the odd treat of chocolate. Why do we deprive ourselves?

I want to LOVE my body and embrace it, while being healthy and being a good role model. I want my daughter growing up being happy with what she has and not feeling that she has to improve herself all the time.

You've got a friend in Me

Toy Story 2. The current movie favorite in our house at the moment. We purchased it last week and have watched it every day sometimes more than once. Its fabulous I love it. Its the first Disney movie my 2.5 year old has watched and she loves it.

Now after watching the movie, her current favorite thing to say is "you my best friend". She comes up to me, puts her hands on either side of my face, squeezes me and says "you my best friend". Makes my heart melt every time. Now in saying that, she has also told both her grandmother's and her Aunty that they are also her best friends. But still its adorable I love it.



It got me thinking about how much kids change, how quickly they develop. Only 2 years ago, she was a little baby, 100% reliant on me for everything. Now she's getting so independant, its amazing. But its also scary. Because I know that one day there will be a time, when I will no longer be her best friend, in fact one day she may even tell me she hates me. But I'm prepared- or I think I am.

I saw a post on Fb today about the rules of parenting. I've decided on a new rule.

# Don't wish the days away

No matter how many tears, or how many broken objects, or how many times I've heard the word NO, or had meals refused for no other reason than "I don't like it". There is always one moment (sometimes its so brief I almost don't notice it). One moment when I stop and realise why its so amazing being a mum. It might be a quick kiss they give you, a cute phrase, a helpful action or it might even just be how beautiful they look when they fall asleep at night.

No matter how hard parenting is. There will always be those moments. Cherish them I've decided. Write them down. Remember them. Because teenage years will come, scary times ahead.

Don't wish away the days, no matter how hard they might be. Because one day they won't be so little anymore and you'll be wishing for these days back

xx

Pressure and Permission

I came across a mum this week at work, she has a 3 year old with cystic fibrosis. She also has a 7 and 9 year old. They are a fantastic family who "appear" to be doing brilliantly. She's a stay at home mum, her hubby has an awesome job, the older kids are active and heavily involved in sport. They fundraise all the time for CF. But this week we talked about how she felt like things were going so great and all of a sudden she feels alone and isolated and she doesn't know how she's been coping for 3 years with CF.

In day to day living we all cope, in different ways, with different pressures and for different periods of time.

When crisis hits, everyone huddles together, people cook meals, they offer cleaning, they do the groceries, pay the bills, people call every day to check in. Support networks can be amazing when life throws a curve ball.

Now curve balls are different for everyone. It may be your hubby losing his job, a parent dying, chicken pox, a diagnosis of a serious illness, marriage breakdown, the flu, a new baby, twins, a broken leg. You get the picture. Whatever the crisis is in your family, it is significant for you.....and that's what is important.

But society today has placed this "pressure" on people. It's like its ok to crumble and fall apart and need everyones support, but only for a period of time. Now that period of time can be different for everyone. But one day you wake up and you say, ok I've had my moment, I'm going to put on a brave face and tackle this crisis and we will cope. Thank you everyone for your support, but we're good now.


BUT WHAT IF.....

what if that brave face only lasts a few days.
what if the crisis never goes away.
what if you decide you can't cope.
what if you become tired of being strong and you want some help.

It's ok, days, weeks even months later to reach out and say. Help, i need you again. But it would seem that society has made it not ok.

People (our support networks) they move on, they forget. Now they definitely don't plan on doing this. They don't intentionally forget you. But they live their lives and they don't have the daily struggles continuing like you might.

It's ok not to be coping. That's what I'm trying to say.

We as a society need to give permission to people, permission to say, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Permission to say please can you look after the kids, permission to cry, to grieve, to have a moment.

I told the mum that it was okay to be upset, what did it mean for her to feel sadness. I also told her that it was okay to ask for some support. And you know what, when she asked her mum and mother in law for help, they more than willingly wanted to help and they felt sad that she hadn't been coping and they didn't know about it.

So next time someone you know has a life crisis, no matter how big or how small. When you think about it, ask them how they are doing today?

Beauty

Beauty

I heard on the radio and then also read an article this afternoon about Angelina Jolie. She over thelast 9 weeks has gone through treatment and had a double mastectomy. This is a massive decision and a massive life changing moment, obviously something she has discussed and thought about.

Now medically her odds of breast cancer have dropped from 87% down to 5%. If that was me, I’d have to say I’d really have to think about performing the mastectomy also. But I can say that, it hasn’t happened to me, I don’t know what it would be like to have a mastectomy, or breast cancer.  A few years ago I found a small lump in my breast and after seeing a doctor and having an ultrasound, it was found to me a small fat nodule. Nothing serious and it has stayed there. But for the period of time between having the scan and getting the results. Thousands of what if’s played in my mind.

Now this article about Anjelina Jolie got me thinking about beauty. For so many women beauty is in their looks, the size of their waist, the size of their breasts, how long their legs are, the number on the scale, for a lot of women (dare I say most) our appearance affects our self esteem, our self worth and how we believe others see us as people.

I am currently 8/11 weeks through a boot camp. Man its been tough, challenging but so rewarding. Why did I do it? Mostly because I wanted some “me” time, when I could solely focus on me and no one else (selfish? Probably but I’ve enjoyed it). But on the other hand I also did it because I believe I wanted to change my appearance, to be slimmer, fitter, healthier, skinnier legs, tone up my tuckshop lady arms. WHY? Because I believe, even if I try and tell myself that it doesn’t matter, I believe that how I look changes how I feel about me as a person.

So we change our bodies, we put on make up, we buy nice clothes. Who for? Ourselves, our girlfriends, our spouses, or society?

In this article today I read that Angelina Jolie also had reconstructive surgery and had breast implants. I imagine (not medically trained so don’t quote me) that reconstructive surgery is probably necessary or beneficial after a mastectomy. So I don’t think she did this out of vain or for her own beauty. But it did make me question…..was she only able to get the mastectomy and then the reconstructive surgery because she had the money. Could someone with limited funds also do this?

Anyway I guess my entire thoughts came down to this….. maybe we should stop trying to be “beautiful” for everyone else, maybe we should firstly love ourselves, respect ourselves, treat our own bodies well and care for them.

Living Below the Line

This week I am participating in Live Below the Line. It is for the Oaktree and what happens is you live off $2 a day for 5 days so $10 for the week.

I am dreaming of coffee.....

So here's some facts:

An estimated 130 million of the world's 15- to 24- year-olds cannot read or write.

About 1.8 million people, most of whom are children, die annually of food-borne diseases

Malaria kills approximately 1 million children per year, many of them under age 5 and most of them in sub-Saharan Africa.

Over 1.4 billion people in the developing world live below the poverty line (U.S.$1.25 per day).

Nearly 15 percent of babies in developing countries are born with a low birth weight compared with only 7 percent of babies in industrialized countries.

Worldwide, 161 million preschool children suffer from chronic malnutrition.

This is massive. There is so much going on outside of our country. But not even that. There is poverty on our front door.

- 11% of Australians live in poverty 2.2 million people

- more than 100,000 people are homeless

-

So what am I doing about it. Well I am attempting to raise awareness and raise money to help fight poverty.

 

Disadvantage isn't just about how little money you have to live on, it's also about poverty of opportunity

 

As you can tell I am passionate about awareness and changing the way that people view the world.

 

I am lucky to have variety. I have bread, rice, frozen veggies and eggs. That's what I am living off for the next 5 days. Compared to people who truely do live in poverty that's pretty good.

 

But it has made realise how much we take for granted.

 

My morning coffee, butter on my bread, the ability to snack on fruit or nuts, diet coke, having soy sauce on my rice. Basic simple things that I don't think twice about.

 

If i do nothing else this week.  it would be nice to know, that people have thought about poverty.

Sacrifice

Today I went and visited a client at the Children's hospital. She is a 15 year old girl who has cystic fibrosis and had a double lung transplant 2 years ago. Sadly this transplant has rejected and she is now on the waiting list for a second transplant. She is surviving on a bipap breathing machine. Its heartbreaking to watch. She was sleeping when I visited so I spent the entire hour with her mum and it really made me think about sacrifice.
Is this mother sacrificing something? She has sat at her daughters bedside for the last 6 weeks and will sit with her until she receives a transplant, possibly 6 months. Is she sacrificing a life outside of the hospital or is it no sacrifice at all??

Soldiers, every day sacrifice their lives to fight for their country. Their families sacrifice valuable family time to allow their husbands and fathers to be away for months at a time. Is this a sacrifice or is this a choice to make a "better" life for their families???

A guy and girl go on a date and the girl picks lemon pie and the guy orders chocolate mousse. Upon receiving their dessert the girl decides she would rather the mousse not the pie, so the guy sacrifices his mousse and gives it to his girl. Is this really a sacrifice?? Or is he choosing to keep his girl happy and subconsiously knowing that by her being happy he increases his chance of "loving" later in the night?

All of this made me think a lot, are sacrifices actually sacrifices, or are they choices we make to benefit ourselves in the long run?

why do we make sacrifices? Is it our choice or do we feel obligated?

When people are sacrificing something or feeling like they are constantly missing out or giving up on something and that they make sacrifices all the time. Is this when people lose their sense of identity?

Is there such a thing as a sacrifice????

To me a sacrifice would be giving up the best and being left with the not so good. So in the end you don't receive any benefit??? Do we choose this or is this something that happens naturally?

Cubby houses and life decisions.....

What to do??????

Life brings choice and opportunity and freedom. I think all those things are fabulous. Aren't we so lucky to live in a country where we are given the option and the availability of so many things.

It wasn't that long ago that women couldn't vote, that contraception was taboo. These things that often as women we take for granted. I often wonder if I lived in a different era....would I have burnt my bra?

I was given the opportunity at work today to increase my hours. They asked me to work an extra day, so increase from 3 to 4. They said I could do reduced hours on the extra day, maybe 9-3 instead of 9-5. They also offered me to take over the role and responsibility of a National education project. It is a real compliment to think that they believe I have the skills and capacity to do this project and they want me there for extra time.

But what do I want?????

I had Miss A over 2 years ago now. When I was pregnant we spoke about me and work. I always wanted to be a SAHM, I wanted to be there and watch my baby take her first steps and I wanted to bake cakes and go to coffee dates and park play dates. I wanted to be the mum who volunteered at the school canteen, who went on class excursions. The mum who had home made cookies fresh out of the oven after school. I believed I should be at home. I believed that for me that was the right and only place for me.

But life changed that's now not me. I am a working mum now and I'm ok with that. I don't love the thought of being away from Miss A. But i do know that she thrives at day care and she is thrilled to spend the day with her friends. I know that neither she or I is any worse off because of me working.

But do I want to be at work another day?

There are some days that I don't want to be a grown up anymore. I'd like to pack by back pack with my paper and crayons, some biscuits and juice and I would like to build a cubby house under the dining room table with a huge bed sheet. I'd like to take pillows and teddies and hide away and live im my imagination.

Obviously I can't, I'm 26 with responsibilities and an adult life.

So today there won't be any cubby houses and there won't be any escaping reality. I'll put on my brave hat and I will face life and make a decision. What that decision will be....I don't know. But this I do know. I love Miss A and she loves me. The amount of hours I work won't ever change that. I want her to be provided with the best that I can offer her. I want her to have a strong role model and I want her to see that no matter what choices you make in life, everything happens for a reason.


 

The Bug Invasion....

So upon moving to Sydney in July last year, I searched high and low for an appropriate apartment, in an affordable price range. This is point where you laugh and say Sydney, affordable, what a joke!!!

Well after only a month, I found an apartment in an amazing location, 10 min drive from work and from day care. There was no mould on the walls and when i walked in the front door the sun was shining through the windows and made it feel so light and open.

Well fast forward 8 months and some new neighbours have moved in next door and with my new neighbours came some disgusting visitors.....COCKROACHES. Small brown disgusting, revolting creatures.

Seriously I may not be Martha Stewart, house cleaner of the century. My apartment may not look like it is photographed for Vogue. But i am not filthy. I never have dirty dishes in the sink, I always wipe down the benches. My floors....ok my floors aren't always immaculate. But they get vacuumed at least twice a week.

SO WHY ARE THESE BUGS INVADING MY LIFE??

So a few weeks ago, suddenly i am awoken by this thing that dropped on my face, I swat it away to realise in my half asleep state that it was an oversized cockroach, which was now crawling around my bed. I throw my pillow across the room and watch this HUGE bug fly into the wall, it then starts scurrying through my house and I chase it. With a box of tissues and a large black high heel.
YOU CAN'T ESCAPE!!!!
During this process I was attempting to be super quiet as it was only 6am and Miss A was still sleeping.
Finally I attack the bug with some tissues and grab it off Miss A's bedroom door, before it can attack her in her sleep.
DEAD. IT IS DEAD. I KILLED IT.

Anyway since that day, I have dreams, no nightmares about these filthy creatures. They invade my thoughts, I chase them around the house to ensure that they are killed. NO cockroach will survive in this house.    

I set off a bomb in my house 2 weeks ago and well it has been peaceful in this tiny sunfilled home......until tonight. When out of a gap between my cupboards and my roof comes crawling not one, not two but FIVE filthy cockroaches. Well you will be pleased to know they are no longer alive, although I am sure that Miss A is now currently high on Mortein in her sleep. But that's the price you pay for bug removal.

Tomorrow at 9am. The Real Estate will have me to answer to. WATCH OUT cockroaches....your time in this house.....IS OVER!!!!

You are more beautiful than you think….

Today I watched a link from Dove, it was about a forensic artist who sat behind a curtain and asked women to describe their faces and he would draw them. Then he asked another person who they had got to know to describe the same woman. (not once did the artist ever see the woman’s face)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XpaOjMXyJGk

It saddened me to see women describing themselves in such a negative way. At what point did women start to be so critical and so judgemental of our bodies and our looks.

When the women were shown the two drawings, it was blatantly obvious that the one they described about themselves was not as beautiful as the one the stranger had described.

WHY ARE WE SO CRITICAL?

I am just as bad as any other woman. I constantly criticise the way I look, how I dress, what I eat, how much I exercise, my hair, my thighs, and the list goes on. But at what point do we realise that other people might not see you that way.

I am terrible at accepting any compliment, whether it is from a friend, a family member or even a stranger. When did I start thinking this way, I have no idea.

But what I do know is that I want Miss A to love her body, to embrace everything about herself. I want her to accept herself the way she is and be happy to be proud of the way she looks. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she should change or be critical of herself. That is too much of a burden for any young woman to have.

I don’t want my 15 year old daughter to question if her thighs are too big, or if chicken or fish has less calories. I want Miss A to have a healthy relationship with food, where she is happy to eat everything in a healthy way. To eat chocolate if she loves it, to drink full cream milk because she loves the flavour.

I once read that a beautiful woman is a confident woman. Well…..

I challenge myself (and you too) to stop every day for the next week and make one positive comment about how you look or about your body. Say something positive, mean it, embrace it and see if it changes the way you present yourself to the world.

I’m no super woman…..

Sometimes I think I create my own stress. There should be clause in parenting that says “you will never be able to do it all”. I think I can do it all, or I want to be able to do it all. My floors aren’t always clean, I always have laundry to fold, Miss A watches tv when she shouldn’t, I don’t always wear make up and we don’t eat vegetables every day.

As we all know parenting (whether alone or not) is a 24/7 gig. I don’t like to think of it as a job, but its definitely an experience, not something you do as a hobby or an occasional adventure. But it’s a full on, full time life changing, most rewarding experience of our lives. But don’t judge me when I say, sometimes I don’t always think of it this way.

Today Miss A was refusing a midday nap and in the process of encouraging her to lay down on her bed, she exploded with frustration and punched me in the eye with a set of keys. It was at that moment I walked away, I shut her bedroom door and I took 2 minutes outside her room. I was crying, she was screaming, but I knew that we needed time out, otherwise we were heading into a place of angry faces.

Thinking I could be blind forever, (slightly dramatized) I went back into her room and sat down and hugged her. ‘I sorry mummy, I hit keys in your eye’. Those few little words were enough for me to forget that I was angry. Forget that my eye was about to explode and remember that she is 2 and sometimes she can’t control all those emotions and thoughts that are travelling around her tiny head. So I squeezed her and kissed her and told her we were going to the park. Escape the apartment and feel the sunshine.

So I think it’s time to take off my super woman cape. Being on my own has forced me to focus on whats important. I can’t raise Miss A, work part time, have a clean house, bake fresh cookies every day and find time to sleep occasionally.

I was once a mother who baked home-made goodies 3-4 times a week, I would make home-made baby food, I cooked from recipe books with fresh ingredients, Miss A wasn’t allowed sugar until way past her first birthday. Now I cringe when I see that she’s eating a chocolate biscuit at 6.30am, has scrambled eggs for dinner and knows that at McDonald’s there are chippies.

DON’T JUDGE ME

I invite you to take off your super mum or super dad cape, whether you are a single parent or parenting in a couple. Take a breath, take a moment to focus on one important thing that you CAN DO and forget about everything else today. If everyone is wearing clean underwear and has food in their belly- no matter what it is. What else matters? Really is the world going to stop? No. take time out for YOU.

Being OKAY with who I am as a mum and what I can achieve, loving Miss A, enjoying each moment I spend with her and providing the best I can for her. That’s all I can do and I’m happy with that.

Flattery vs Creepiness

Went to get petrol, I was on my way back to the office after an intense counselling session with a client. My brain wasn’t focused on the world, but more on the millions of things waiting for me at the office.

Walked up to the counter and told the guy which number bowser and then stuck my card out indicating I wanted to pay on credit. Next thing he says to me, ‘you have very good looks’. I smiled and felt awkward but thought, oh well you gotta take them wherever you can these days. But it didn’t end there, he continued, ‘your eyes are beautiful’. Ok buddy I have work to do, let me swipe my card and just get out of here. ‘your eyes, you have Russian looks’. At this point I didn’t care if I was receiving a compliment or not. He was freaking me out!!!!

At what point is a random stranger saying something about your looks a compliment or just plain out weirdness. When you walk past a work site and the men whistle at you, in my younger years I found this offensive, I’m a woman not a dog, you filthy men. These days I secretly wish for it. If a strange man on a work site can notice me and whistle in my direction. I’ll take it. Maybe then I’ll strut my stuff just a little bit extra, smile for a little bit longer that day. I’m crazy I know.

Coffee disaster

Some days I think that it should be acceptable to drink wine all day long. Those are the days that I celebrate the invention of coffee. You will notice that I often speak about wine and coffee. Together they create a happy me.

When I open my eyes, the first thing I think about is that fresh hot cup of coffee. But then I am reminded by Miss A, ‘mummy I wee, I wee’. Of course there are more important things than my coffee.

Today I was placing my coffee cup on my nespresso machine, (who I lovingly refer to as George) when it slipped and shattered. I was devastated. Not because I had broken a glass, or that I now had to get the vacuum out and clean up my mess. BUT I was devastated that it was going to delay my happiness of drinking that glorious coffee.

Miss A ran into the kitchen and said ‘oh no mummy what’s that big noise’. Upon seeing the glass she boldly declared. ‘I help mummy, I help’. I think not little girl. Glass+toddler+bare feet=tragedy. So I battled her away with my free arm and picked up the glass pieces with the other. Obviously resulting in a cut finger, blood everywhere and Miss A being grossly repulsed at the disaster.

Really, a coffee addict should not have so much drama in the morning.

HAND OVER THE COFFEE AND NO ONE WILL GET HURT.

Don’t call me a single mum…..

So apparently this blogging concept has been happening around me, and I had zero idea. The idea really appeals to me. Therapy in words. If no one else reads my blogs that’s ok with me, but I think I will enjoy sharing my craziness. I’m not going to spend my blog talking about being a single parent, or my little girl. I will just share what’s going on in my crazy world.

I am a mum to a strong-willed and energetic 2 year old, Miss A, I work part time as a social worker and then I live the craziness of life. This style of parenting is fairly new to me, Miss A and I have been doing it on our own for nearly 8 months now (that’s a whole different story).

Single mum, this title doesn’t sit well with me. As an independent and very stubborn woman, I don’t like to think that people hear that “single mum” title and automatically doubt or question my abilities. And on the other hand, yes I am now separated from my husband and we are no longer married so therefore I am a single woman, but I don’t parent on my own. I have a fabulous family who help whenever they can, friends who go above and beyond to help me. So no I’m not a single mum, I’m a mum parenting on her own but with a huge support crew. You will hear me regularly mention my friends and family, because they are my strength. I couldn’t do it without them.

I’m no expert in single parenting, there are mums and dads out there who do it harder than me every day. I also am not one to say parenting on your own is harder than parenting as a couple. Because every family is different, we all have challenges. My ex who I will refer to as Mr Green is in the army and I was an army wife and army mum for nearly 7 years.

Parenting isn’t about a competition. I don’t want to get into the my life is worse than your life argument, because it’s probably not true.

Single parenting isn’t always about being poor and frustrated and exhausted and miserable and lonely. (Although it has its moments)

But single parenting is very different from the experience of family life. Unless you’re in it, sometimes it’s just too hard to understand.

Yes, your husband or wife might work away, they might not be a proactive parent and involved in the day to day running of your home and care of your children. But single parenting comes with some stereotypes, there’s the assumption that my child lacks discipline, or I bludged off the government, or that I might steal someone’s husband. But mostly, I think, single parenting is just scary.

It’s knowing that there is only one income coming into our house. That I am the only one keeping a roof over my child’s head and food in her tummy. That there is no one else to hold responsible if I make the wrong choice and let her dye her hair orange. It’s knowing your child will never know what it’s like to run into the other room and beg daddy for a treat because mummy said no. it’s knowing that if you get carted off in an ambulance, there will be an unimaginable mess around who looks after your child. It’s knowing that even if you are exhausted or emotional or at the end of your rope in one way or another, you’re still the only parent in the house, so you need to suck it up and keep going.

Of course Miss A has two parents and a wider family that adore her and would do anything for her. We laugh, we cry and we definitely live a crazy life. I think we are happy and I think she’s doing okay. But at the end of the day, when we get home from work and day care after a long day, it’s me and her, just the two of us, and she’s stuck with me.

And that is what’s scary.